-Life's not a garden so stop being a ho!

-Ditch the bitch let's go riding!

-I got a bike for my wife....and it was a good trade.

-If i throw a stick, will you leave?

-When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown & 4 to extend your arm and slap that bitch in the head.

-My teacher said i could become anything so i became a drunk.

-Wanna get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!

-Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down?

-I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

-Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid everyone loves getting laid!

-Doggy style, bread and butter, up a tree or in the gutter, just for fun or getting paid everyone loves getting laid.

-I could die at any minute, the tragety is that i don't.

-Life is like a dick, when it gets hard, Fuck it!

-Beer: helping ugly people get laid since 1823.

-It's people like you who give gay a bad name.

-God made rivers, god made lakes, god made you but we all make mistakes.

-When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt.

-Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone.

-Booze may not be the answer, but it helps forget the question.

-We had gay burglers the other night. They broke in and rearanged the furniture.

-Can i get you picture? I collect nature disasters.

-Your so ugly they put your picture on the airline sick bag.

-When scientists do discover the center of the unierse don't be disappointed that its not you.

-I don't swim in your toilet, so please don't pee in my pool.

-DONT LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE.

-Never fight with an ugly person they have nothing to lose.

-Don't interupt me when I'm talking to myself.

-Your village just called, their missing their idiot!

-The way i see it...the more people hate me the less i have to please!

-If at first you don't succeed try again with better weed.

-Mirror's can't talk, and luck for you they can't laugh either!

-There's no "I" in S L U T but there is a "U"...

-Can i go through your closet...I need a halloween costume!

-The only thing duck tape, tylenol and band-aid can't fix is you!

-Is that your face or has your ass been misplaced?